Caveman Ugh-Lympics

Summer of 1989, scorching heat, and there I was at the computer trying to get a caveman to throw a mammoth bone as far as possible. Caveman Ugh-Lympics from Dynamix was exactly the kind of game that could make us roar with joy or rage — depending on whether your rhythm button-mashing was on point.

The concept is as simple as a club: Olympic games in the Stone Age. No modern stadium athletics, no lycra outfits. Instead, prehistoric athletes compete in disciplines that the Olympic Committee would never approve — stone throwing, mammoth racing, dinosaur jumping, and other nonsense that only makes sense when you realize Fred Flintstone was a stroke of genius. Dynamix wrapped it all up in cartoon graphics that looked fresh back then and today feel like coloring book pages found in a shoe box.

The game supports up to six players, and that was a key selling point back then — and really the only way to get the most out of it. The mechanics are built on precise timing and button mashing, a classic approach straight from the Track & Field arcade era. Solo play might entertain you for an hour, then you start suspecting the variety is limited. The computer opponents don't play brilliantly. But sit two kids down at one keyboard in 1989 and you've got a conflict that'll last until dinner.

I remember Ugh-Lympics as a game that didn't take itself too seriously — and that was rare back then. Dynamix had good years ahead of them, but this was a pleasant shout into the darkness: goofy humor, prehistoric themes, and no attempt at an epic story. The graphics and sounds have aged tolerably, though the CGA/EGA palette won't lose its raw charm. The bigger issue is that the event variety was modest from the start — and that's harder to hide behind nostalgia these days.

Today Caveman Ugh-Lympics mainly appeals to those looking for quick retro fun or memories of when a party game meant battling it out at one keyboard. Fire it up in DOSBox through your browser without any hassle, and a few events will give you a laugh. Just don't expect to spend your whole weekend on it.