The Lumpies of Lotis IV

Nobody remembers it anymore. The Lumpies of Lotis IV is one of those games lying around in abandonware archives where nobody cares whether it exists or not. For the nineties, it was supposed to be typical MS-DOS entertainment for a bored evening — simple, cheap, forgettable. Exactly the kind of thing you'd play after midnight when you're bored.

It's a simple arcade game where you control some entity against invading Lumpies — creatures from planet Lotis IV. The goal is clear: shoot everything that comes. The game takes place in a minimalist environment, nothing special on screen, just your creation and theirs. No story, no context, just pure mechanics: you versus them.

It plays with simple logic — you shoot, you move, you dodge their fire. The controls are basic, no captivating animations, no sounds that would blow your mind. You light up, you shoot, they fall. After a while you know what to do. Graphics aren't a problem — it's simple and clean — but that also means after ten minutes you've seen everything the game has to offer. No new enemies, no clever design tricks, just the same thing over and over.

What's it even remembered for? Mostly for existing. Back in the eighties these games just were — simple, cheap, they filled out someone's disk collection next to a Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me screensaver. Today it looks like a programming course exercise, not a game you'd remember.

Playing it today means going back to a time when PC games didn't have to be engaging — they just existed. Through modern eyes, it's just a curiosity, a footnote in gaming history. If you enjoy seeing what the lowest bar was for what made it onto a disk back then — go for it. Otherwise, you haven't missed anything.