Mario's Early Years (MS-DOS)

Mario was learning to write, count, and recognize colors. Not exactly a thrilling introduction for a friend I'd just told about how awesome the original Super Mario Bros. 2 was on NES.

Mario's Early Years falls into the category of educational games from the nineties, a genre that spawned more titles annually than massive multiplayer games do today. These things were aimed at preschoolers and first graders — the goal was simple: let kids practice basic skills between mindlessly bashing the keyboard. The game offered mini-games focused on learning — letter recognition, counting, puzzle assembly. Mario and crew were just bait to make it feel familiar.

Playing it is the complete opposite of what you're used to from regular Mario games. No jumping across the left side of the screen, no rhythm, no danger. Instead, you click the right symbol, repeat sound sequences, sort things by size. The controls are as simple as a matching game — mouse and patience. You can't even lose, it's like being in zero gear where every option leads to the same place. A quarter of the time nothing happens; the game just waits for you to press something.

The fifties era of PC gaming was dominated by this genre — educational titles for households. Companies thought Mario with the alphabet would sell better than Mario without it. Mario's Early Years survived precisely because it had a recognizable brand. Without the name, it would've ended up in a secondhand bin alongside Winnie the Pooh Dances.

I only played it today because I have a DOS version on disk and was dumb-curious what would happen. It's a fifteen-minute course, not a game. But if you're a nostalgia junkie and want to be entertained by how awkwardly kids learned with computers back then, take a look. Besides, you can run it free in your browser and delete it in nineteen seconds.