The Untouchables

Year 1989. On the shelf next to my monitor sits a VHS with De Niro and Costner, and in my floppy drive there's something promising the same experience, except with a keyboard instead of popcorn. The Untouchables by Astros Productions — an action game based on De Palma's 1987 film of the same name — looked like a solid bet back then.

The setting is a classic: prohibition-era Chicago in the thirties, organized crime, Al Capone, and a squad of federal agents led by Eliot Ness who can't be bought or intimidated. The film has swagger, atmosphere, and Morricone's score. The game attempts to channel that energy into action sequences on PC — with results that are exactly as uneven as licensed games of that era tended to be.

You take on the role of Ness and his team in a series of side-scrolling action levels. You shoot, dodge, push forward. Controls on DOS were straightforward, though not always precise — precision wasn't a virtue of most action games back then, and Untouchables are no exception. Difficulty swings wildly and unevenly: some levels you'll breeze through, then one will lock you down for dozens of minutes of pure frustration. It's a product of its time, sure, but the memory of it still stings.

What keeps the game afloat is that film wrapper. The intro sets the right mood, the graphics try to evoke period charm, and if you loved the movie, the opening minutes will crack a smile. But then reality hits — the game mechanics aren't bad, they're just mediocre. And mediocrity in licensed games of the nineties was almost epidemic. Astros Productions wasn't a studio that left its mark on gaming encyclopedias, and Untouchables is exactly the kind of title you remember only when you glimpse an old disk.

Today you can play it in your browser in five minutes, and it's actually the fairest way to experience it. No installation, no DOSBox hassles, and most importantly — the time investment matches what the game deserves. It'll satisfy fans of the film who want a taste of that era, and nostalgists who remember when every licensed game was a blind gamble. Don't expect any big surprises. But expecting a solid hour in old Chicago style? That you can do.